Yes! You must get your hands on a copy of Peggy Orenstein's Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches From the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture! I had one of those public radio "driveway moments" they guilt you about during membership drives when I heard this woman on the Diane Rehm Show. She was discussing how inappropriate and materialistic the average American girlhood is these days. It is not innocent at all. In fact, it's really just "play sexiness" and pressure to act older and shallower. Since I have a daughter of my own, I am extremely sensitive about her media exposure, the clothes she wears, and what products we buy for her. Here's a transcript of the interview here:
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-12-29/peggy-orenstein-cinderella-ate-my-daughter-rebroadcast/transcript
I haven't read the book yet, but I checked out the reviews on Amazon. One of the complaints was that the book did not offer any real solutions to this problem of this early sexualization of girls. Well, one solution is to go Waldorf! The first thing that came to mind was the aesthetic difference between a Waldorf environment and what Orenstein described. A Waldorf school, home, and child does not resemble the girlie-girl culture she details in her interview. It's a safe haven where childhood is protected. And, this is one of the reasons it appeals to a mom like me. Yes, I know far too well about those glitter-princess girls and I want nothing of them. I did not go out of my way to have a homebirth and breastfeed for 22.5 months just to throw her to the Barbie-wolves! I wanted to set a precedent at the earliest age that we do things in a more natural, wholesome way.
If you browse a natural toy catalog, such as Nova Natural or A Toy Garden, you'll notice that many of the toys are gender-neutral and there isn't that stark blue-pink divide. In fact, they usually aren't divided into "boy" or "girl" categories. Parents will also notice that the dolls are far more innocent and lack physically mature proportions and nightclub attire. These natural stores don't sell play-cosmetics or dolls in high heels. Try it. Go look up the Toys R Us website and then look at A Toy Garden. Can you see the difference?
In our Waldorf school, the dress code has a purpose of maintaining a child's innocence and protecting children from the adult world. For instance, they don't wear shirts with name-brand logos or wording on them, they have to wear tops with a sleeve, and you won't find any popular characters on clothing or backpacks. What a difference this makes in the educational environment! Because of the trend toward "plain clothes" and a regard for general modesty, there is a noticeable difference in the attitude and reverence of the children. To a parent who is struggling with a lost child, why not start by changing the clothes? Gradually switch out the clothing with characters, inappropriate statements, and logo-centered clothing for plain-- but still pretty-- clothes. (And, let me add that I am not anti-pink! I wear the color pink and my daughter owns pink clothes. However, I think Orenstein is referring to the excessive use of it. For instance, I am trying to let other colors into her wardrobe such as blue, purple, green, white, yellow, etc. Our play room looks gender-neutral with all the colors of the rainbow.) Take your daughter to a store that offers more innocent clothing. Maybe the mall isn't the best shopping environment. I intentionally shop for innocent-looking clothing for my daughter. When in doubt, go for a younger looking outfit. When in doubt, err on the side of modesty.
Let me also add that Waldorf education highly discourages media consumption in the early grades. They really don't want your child going home and using the TV as a babysitter. They don't want the play of the children to center around Dora or Sponge Bob. Orenstein made a great point in the interview when she said that Disney does not encourage imagination but rather it limits imagination in childhood. This is the same sentiment held by most Waldorf parents. Therefore, one of the best ways to combat this girlie marketing onslaught is to remove most of the media influences in the home.
From my own personal experience, I plan to enrich my daughter's life with healthy activities. She will not be in dance, gymnastics, cheer, twirling, figure skating, or anything that involves leotards or glitter or a premature focus on her body...she doesn't need to peak at 16. (Why not yoga if your daughter simply must wear spandex?) We are considering martial arts, horseback riding, chess, foreign language, cooking classes, art, scouts, and other activities that aren't centered around immodest attire. And, even more than that, I'd be a fool to surround her with those girls who are immersed in pop-culture. For my little nest, I am making the conscious decision to seek out a better skill-set for my daughter beyond back-flips.
So, here are some "solutions" I came up with in response to one of the reviews of this book. Here's how you can help your daughter rise above aggressive marketing:
1. Don't make shopping a bonding activity. Far too often mothers and daughters do this. If possible, shop online and don't make it a big event. Psychologically, there is nothing healthy about being a "shopaholic" or defining oneself through purchased merchandise. There is nothing "sexy" or "cute" about credit card debt, either.
2. Limit TV time and commercials.
3. Purchase more natural, gender-neutral toys. You might have to go somewhere else besides Wal-Mart or Toys R Us to avoid those glittery tween aisles. Check my store links to the left side of the page.
4. Keep characters off of her backpack, shoes, clothes, lunchbox, jacket, folders, bedding, etc. Try to keep the coloring books and story books free of these popular characters, too.
5. Be cautious and creative when signing your daughter up for extra-curricular activities. Start young. It's cool to be something besides a cheerleader. Check YMCA, local sports, local religious groups, homeschool groups, etc.
6. Set the standard with other moms and daughters. Avoid the pink-princesses in your own birthday parties and outings. Give presents that are void of characters. Suggest playdates that are creative, wholesome, and educational.
7. Monitor your child's peer group. As a parent, you should exert influence on who your child is around. Set your child up for success by surrounding her with positive, healthy young girls that aren't as influenced by media forces. For us, that means continuing the Waldorf school/homeschool combination with our child. She will have lots of interaction with people, but people who have more important things to worry about than the Kardashians.
8. Gradually introduce different colors and styles into your child's wardrobe. This is easier when they're young so start early. Try some yellow, blue, green, white, brown, orange or red. All of these colors complement pink so you can mix and match. Better yet, purchase organic clothing, fair trade clothing, or garments from another culture. It makes the child aware of the production of the clothing, the environment, and human rights issues. If "all the kids are wearing" a style you don't approve of, then maybe you ought to take a look at who your daughter's around. Enlist the help of teachers, parent-teacher organizations, and other adults who work with your child.
9. Compliment your daughter and other girls and women on something besides their looks. I still have a hard time with this one and habitually compliment my friends' new bags or cute shoes. This is very much a note to myself and something I want to change with my daughter. Point out something specific about her abilities or good character...focus on that inner beauty.
No comments:
Post a Comment