I attended a parent meeting at my daughter's Waldorf school this morning. She excitedly played outside with the rest of the class during a mild-weather spring morning. I thought she might be on the swing set or building in the sandbox or munching on an organic apple by the picnic table. Nope. My three-year-old was making soup. Apparently, the older kids had created an "outdoor kitchen" with some big sticks and furnished it with second-hand enamel pots and cups and wooden spoons. Dirt served as the main pantry staple and she had plenty of mud on her dress to show for her hard work.
I saw why she wouldn't leave her post. Her soup was getting better and better as she added water from the watering can, tiny leaves, and sweetgum balls. She was deep in her play, very preoccupied with this soup coming out perfectly. As I told her we needed to go, she added her finishing touch. Plop went a gaint rock into the pot! Maybe it was for presentation or maybe for flavor. Either way, I couldn't ask for better focus and concentration on a task. This is the work of her age group in a Waldorf setting. Creativity is cultivated to invent and focus is cultivated to see the task come to fruition. The goal is that she'll take this ability to focus and carry it through the rest of her academic life. When other kids are watching video games, eating junk food, and medicated with ADHD drugs, this is a beautiful alternative.
Wednesday
Field Trip to Blue Heron Goat Farm
Our homeschool co-op organized a field trip to Blue Heron Goat Farm in Waller. Farmer Lisa spent a lovely spring afternoon with us telling us all about their farm and their animals. The baby goats were my daughter's favorite.
The human kids got to have a turn at milking one of the goats. We learned that there's just a four day turn around time from the grass they eat turning into cheese. And, after this we did get to sample some of the most delicious goat cheese I've ever tasted.
Saturday
Wolf Sanctuary Field Trip
We recently took a trip with our homeschool organization to the St. Francis Wolf Sanctuary in Montgomery, Texas. This is an animal rehabilitation center that takes in rescued wolves and gives them the special care that other animal shelters cannot. Most of the rescued wolves are actually "wolf dogs" and have some part domesticated dog in them. What a fantastic learning experience! While we listened to an informational lecture, we were able to sit on the observation deck and watch the behavior of the wolves in their enclosures. Two "ambassador" wolves came out to greet us and we were allowed to pet them for a while as they enjoyed going for a walk. This is a well-run facility that's clean and appeared to benefit from lots of volunteers. The owners were well-educated and enthusiastic about sharing their knowledge with our group. This is a trip to keep in mind this summer when planning activities for the kids!
http://www.wolvesofsaintfrancis.org/
Tuesday
Miscarriage on The Whole Mother Show
Houston's 90.1FM hosts a show on natural parenting called The Whole Mother Show. It's hosted by the mother-of-all-Houston-midwives, Pat Jones, CNM, and has greatly influenced my choices in motherhood.
Monday's topic was about miscarriage and pregnancy loss. She interviewed two women in the natural birthing community who've had several miscarriages: Rebecca Miller, owner of Nurtured Family and Pam Crespo, a homebirth assistant. I truly thank them for opening up about their many losses. At least someone is talking about it and I sincerely pray this helps other moms who've endured the same. What interested me about this program was that it presented a more natural side of miscarriage and the differences in health care between midwife care and traditional obgyn treatment. The emotional complexities, grieving issues, and facts about miscarriage were also mentioned.
Click on the March 12th show on this link to their archives page:
http://archive.kpft.org/xml/wholemother.xml
Monday's topic was about miscarriage and pregnancy loss. She interviewed two women in the natural birthing community who've had several miscarriages: Rebecca Miller, owner of Nurtured Family and Pam Crespo, a homebirth assistant. I truly thank them for opening up about their many losses. At least someone is talking about it and I sincerely pray this helps other moms who've endured the same. What interested me about this program was that it presented a more natural side of miscarriage and the differences in health care between midwife care and traditional obgyn treatment. The emotional complexities, grieving issues, and facts about miscarriage were also mentioned.
Click on the March 12th show on this link to their archives page:
http://archive.kpft.org/xml/wholemother.xml
Thursday
Rainy day pie
Rolling out homemade pie crust and using the leftover scraps for playdough...perfect work for a 3-year-old!
Saturday
Storytime at Mercer Arboretum
Giving the cat statue a hug at the Mercer Arboretum
They offer children's story time and craft every third Monday of the month at 10:30am. This is a fantastic garden for young and old alike. Hiking trails and a large playground are located on the west side of the road with the Harris County Public Library and visitor center on the east side.
Thursday
Big fan of Nurtured Family
I first heard about Nurtured Family, the natural family and baby store, at the recent Houston B.I.R.T.H. Fair. In addition to their internet e-store, they also have a physical location near 290 & West Road in Northwest Houston. I made the trip out there-- finally-- to get some hard-to-find Allen's Natural Soap for the cloth diapers my daughter still wears at night. Wow, this outing was worth it! I immediately fell in love with this store when I saw the cute slings on the mannequins. My eyes instantly turned to the walls of rainbow colored cloth diapers from fleece to wool to pockets to all-in-ones. I loved the selection of ring slings, wraps, and baby carriers of all sorts. They stocked lovely diaper bags, wet bags, organic baby toys, nursing items, and organic toiletries. It was like the mother of candy stores for natural/sort-of-natural/want-to-be-more-eco-conscious/attachment-parenting mommas! This is the perfect place for baby shower gifts!
Most of the products they sell are not found in the typical Babies-r-Us stores. They're usually the items I have to order online. However, I'm thinking I'll use this store more often since they will match the price of their competitors with a low price guarantee. For this visit, I didn't want to wait for shipping if I could just drive a few miles to get an item instantly. And, I do love supporting locally-owned businesses. Especially those that support the B.I.R.T.H. Fair and natural living. The benefit of visiting their store on Jackrabbit Road is that you can look and feel and compare the products in person. That alone would win over a lot of parents who are hesitant about cloth diapering. Just seeing the colors and patterns, feeling the enduring quality of the diapers, and learning how easy it is to implement, would really convince moms. It's worth seeing first-hand.
Did I mention their free classes? They have classes on baby-wearing, birth options, meet-the-doula seminars, and breastfeeding. Plus, there's a kids area inside the store to let your kiddos run around and play with toys while you shop. I am kicking myself for not discovering this place sooner! It would have made such a difference in those early months with my baby! The only other store like this at that time was inside Rice Village, way inside the Loop, and a very far drive away.
I'd highly recommend this for new mothers who want to learn how to wear their babies in a sling. In addition to the free class they offer, most of the slings looked like you could try them on and see which one feels right. The biggest complaint I've heard from non-babywearing moms is that the sling hurt their back. Well, there's more than one style and size of sling. Not every baby carrier will jive with every mother. Try it at the store first with some help from their staff. And, yes, they even have camo and sporty slings just for dads!
Here's the link to their store! Happy shopping!
http://www.nurturedfamily.com/
Most of the products they sell are not found in the typical Babies-r-Us stores. They're usually the items I have to order online. However, I'm thinking I'll use this store more often since they will match the price of their competitors with a low price guarantee. For this visit, I didn't want to wait for shipping if I could just drive a few miles to get an item instantly. And, I do love supporting locally-owned businesses. Especially those that support the B.I.R.T.H. Fair and natural living. The benefit of visiting their store on Jackrabbit Road is that you can look and feel and compare the products in person. That alone would win over a lot of parents who are hesitant about cloth diapering. Just seeing the colors and patterns, feeling the enduring quality of the diapers, and learning how easy it is to implement, would really convince moms. It's worth seeing first-hand.
Did I mention their free classes? They have classes on baby-wearing, birth options, meet-the-doula seminars, and breastfeeding. Plus, there's a kids area inside the store to let your kiddos run around and play with toys while you shop. I am kicking myself for not discovering this place sooner! It would have made such a difference in those early months with my baby! The only other store like this at that time was inside Rice Village, way inside the Loop, and a very far drive away.
I'd highly recommend this for new mothers who want to learn how to wear their babies in a sling. In addition to the free class they offer, most of the slings looked like you could try them on and see which one feels right. The biggest complaint I've heard from non-babywearing moms is that the sling hurt their back. Well, there's more than one style and size of sling. Not every baby carrier will jive with every mother. Try it at the store first with some help from their staff. And, yes, they even have camo and sporty slings just for dads!
Here's the link to their store! Happy shopping!
http://www.nurturedfamily.com/
The Nurtured Family
8525 Jackrabbit Road
Suite B
Houston, TX 77095
(832) 239-5140
OPEN Tuesday to Saturday, 10am to 5pm
Sunday
A short life
I experienced my first miscarriage this week and I hope it's my last. It was the severe cramping that stirred me from my sleep at five o'clock in the morning. Then, I felt blood all over my legs. I knew the baby was gone before I even turned on the light. I told my husband, almost in an altered state, "I am having a miscarriage." When I went to bed earlier that night, I had no clue that my pregnancy was ending.
That scene was eerily similar to the birth of my daughter. At a couple days past her due date, I woke up at 4:00am with a strange feeling that my cycle was starting. But, it was my water breaking and I was going into labor. It was so exciting and joyous. I called the midwife and woke up my husband like I was a kid on Christmas morning. Two very different mornings in my life as a mother.
My experience was the "typical" first trimester miscarriage. There wasn't a recognizable baby to hold or bury. It's not a pleasant physical experience to endure. Not only is there blood and severe cramping that makes you vomit in pain, but I had to get used to my body returning to it's non-pregnant state. Symptoms started leaving me one by one. The cravings left, no more nausea, I felt less bloated. I have a giant jar of pickles in my fridge that makes me cry. It truly is a death. When they are gone, they are gone. My body moved everything out and it's like nothing ever happened. It's like there never was a baby to begin with.
That scene was eerily similar to the birth of my daughter. At a couple days past her due date, I woke up at 4:00am with a strange feeling that my cycle was starting. But, it was my water breaking and I was going into labor. It was so exciting and joyous. I called the midwife and woke up my husband like I was a kid on Christmas morning. Two very different mornings in my life as a mother.
My experience was the "typical" first trimester miscarriage. There wasn't a recognizable baby to hold or bury. It's not a pleasant physical experience to endure. Not only is there blood and severe cramping that makes you vomit in pain, but I had to get used to my body returning to it's non-pregnant state. Symptoms started leaving me one by one. The cravings left, no more nausea, I felt less bloated. I have a giant jar of pickles in my fridge that makes me cry. It truly is a death. When they are gone, they are gone. My body moved everything out and it's like nothing ever happened. It's like there never was a baby to begin with.
Friday
OK, now I'm REALLY pregnant!
You know you are really pregnant when those funny cravings hit. In case the positive pregnancy test wasn't enough, I found myself spending way too much time in the pickle and canned fish section in the grocery store today. I was on a mission to find the perfect dill pickles-- a staple in the last pregnancy-- and I had to have some canned fish...anchovies? sardines? kipper snacks? So, I just enjoyed a lunch of sardines (packed in water) with some pickle slices. Perfect!
I was worried (after the fact) that the sardines weren't very nutritious or were one of those "bad" fish pregnant women weren't supposed to eat. However, sardines are actually pretty good for you! Check out the nutrition endorsement my canned little fishy friends received:
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/06/30/the-11-best-foods-you-arent-eating/
Sardines: Dr. Bowden calls them “health food in a can.” They are high in omega-3’s, contain virtually no mercury and are loaded with calcium. They also contain iron, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, zinc, copper and manganese as well as a full complement of B vitamins.
How to eat: Choose sardines packed in olive or sardine oil. Eat plain, mixed with salad, on toast, or mashed with dijon mustard and onions as a spread.
Ok, so the pickles didn't make the list. I'm still eating them.
I was worried (after the fact) that the sardines weren't very nutritious or were one of those "bad" fish pregnant women weren't supposed to eat. However, sardines are actually pretty good for you! Check out the nutrition endorsement my canned little fishy friends received:
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/06/30/the-11-best-foods-you-arent-eating/
Sardines: Dr. Bowden calls them “health food in a can.” They are high in omega-3’s, contain virtually no mercury and are loaded with calcium. They also contain iron, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, zinc, copper and manganese as well as a full complement of B vitamins.
How to eat: Choose sardines packed in olive or sardine oil. Eat plain, mixed with salad, on toast, or mashed with dijon mustard and onions as a spread.
Ok, so the pickles didn't make the list. I'm still eating them.
Wednesday
I'm pregnant!
Even though I added an exclamation point in the title of that sentence, I don't really feel it. Yes, I am pregnant with my second baby and this was very planned and desired. However, I was so tired the morning I took my home pregnancy test, I just went back to sleep for a few more minutes. It's still early in the first trimester and, of course, there's always that advice from others to wait until after 12 weeks in case of a miscarriage. I haven't told too many people, but I'm sure word will spread when I start showing. It's hard to hide that bump at the gym.
Let me say that I am pretty excited about conceiving the first cycle after my IUD removal. I want to give my husband a sporty high five on that. Alright! Way to go on the first round! Actually, most of the credit goes to the calendar and me giving the orders to commence baby-making on the right days. So, yes, to the mothers reading this, you can certainly get pregnant the first time after your Paraguard comes out. Heck, there are women who conceive with it still in place.
This is going to be a low-key, low-tech pregnancy. I'm electing to forgo all ultrasounds unless medically necessary after reading more research on the risks. It isn't necessary and many times does not improve birth outcomes. In fact, several studies indicate the opposite. I won't find out the gender since we'll know in a few months anyway. (We still have plenty of gender neutral items that can be re-used with this baby.) Even with the first part of my pregnancy in OBGYN care, I did not opt for most of the tests offered. That information would not have done me any good. What would I have done with that information? Abort the baby? I question it's true value related to birth outcomes and I'm sure there are studies out there about that, too.
It's so low-key this time around because I realized I didn't need that much when my daughter was born. What I really needed was: a housekeeper, boobs that produced more milk, and a stronger support network. When I say a "stronger" support network, what I mean is that I wish I'd had more moms around me who shared my ideology on birth and parenting. I had very little support with the decision to homebirth, even though statistics were on my side and I had a stronger case for choosing to birth at home instead of at a hospital. Several people kept telling me to put my baby down when they'd see me holding her or carrying her in a sling (she was always in arms). And, these were people who were not educated on the benefits of baby-wearing or who chose more detached styles of parenting. (I remind people that I gave birth to a mammal-- a primate at that-- not a reptile! Human mothers don't just lay their eggs like sea turtles and let their young fend for themselves. Nor does it make any sense to adopt the latest baby-training trend that promotes behaviors that are counter-intuitive to mammals.)
With that, I got most of my money's worth from: my MobyWrap, my Dr. Sears sling, my cloth breast pads, my nursing tank tops, my decorative breastfeeding cover, diaper bags, my cloth diapers, Birthing From Within by Pamela England, The Baby Book by Dr. Sears, and all the herbal remedies from Lucia's Garden.
I got the least amount of value out of: the stroller, the crib (though this transitions to the toddler bed), my 20-week ultrasound, and our health insurance.
Let me say that I am pretty excited about conceiving the first cycle after my IUD removal. I want to give my husband a sporty high five on that. Alright! Way to go on the first round! Actually, most of the credit goes to the calendar and me giving the orders to commence baby-making on the right days. So, yes, to the mothers reading this, you can certainly get pregnant the first time after your Paraguard comes out. Heck, there are women who conceive with it still in place.
This is going to be a low-key, low-tech pregnancy. I'm electing to forgo all ultrasounds unless medically necessary after reading more research on the risks. It isn't necessary and many times does not improve birth outcomes. In fact, several studies indicate the opposite. I won't find out the gender since we'll know in a few months anyway. (We still have plenty of gender neutral items that can be re-used with this baby.) Even with the first part of my pregnancy in OBGYN care, I did not opt for most of the tests offered. That information would not have done me any good. What would I have done with that information? Abort the baby? I question it's true value related to birth outcomes and I'm sure there are studies out there about that, too.
It's so low-key this time around because I realized I didn't need that much when my daughter was born. What I really needed was: a housekeeper, boobs that produced more milk, and a stronger support network. When I say a "stronger" support network, what I mean is that I wish I'd had more moms around me who shared my ideology on birth and parenting. I had very little support with the decision to homebirth, even though statistics were on my side and I had a stronger case for choosing to birth at home instead of at a hospital. Several people kept telling me to put my baby down when they'd see me holding her or carrying her in a sling (she was always in arms). And, these were people who were not educated on the benefits of baby-wearing or who chose more detached styles of parenting. (I remind people that I gave birth to a mammal-- a primate at that-- not a reptile! Human mothers don't just lay their eggs like sea turtles and let their young fend for themselves. Nor does it make any sense to adopt the latest baby-training trend that promotes behaviors that are counter-intuitive to mammals.)
With that, I got most of my money's worth from: my MobyWrap, my Dr. Sears sling, my cloth breast pads, my nursing tank tops, my decorative breastfeeding cover, diaper bags, my cloth diapers, Birthing From Within by Pamela England, The Baby Book by Dr. Sears, and all the herbal remedies from Lucia's Garden.
I got the least amount of value out of: the stroller, the crib (though this transitions to the toddler bed), my 20-week ultrasound, and our health insurance.
Kids and meaningful work
I was first introduced to this concept of "meaningful work" through the Waldorf school. My daughter's teacher sent a link to the articles below from one of my favorite blogs, The Parenting Passageway. It gives parents ideas on ways to involve children in the daily tasks around the house. It is considered a very good thing to have them do chores at a young age. It is taught that these seemingly menial tasks are, in fact, important ways to nurture the home. They are real assignments and give the small child a sense of accomplishment, a sense of belonging to the family unit, and build motor skills.
This was the most life-changing concept I learned about through Waldorf! It has made my job as a parent much easier and more of a delight. Some of the fun ways I've involved my daughter in housework is to give her her own rag so she can dust, or a bottle of vinegar to clean glass, or wash spoons and forks in a soapy bowl of water, or clean the bathtub with baking soda and a rag. She now helps with grocery store tasks such as picking out items from the shelves, placing the items by the cash register, and putting the grocery cart away. She feeds and brushes the cat, organizes the pantry, and uses the broom and dustpan.
Let me mention that the work of toddler will not be that of a professional housekeeper. It won't be up to your standards. That's fine. I've learned from wiser mothers that it's better to have them work at something even if you have to go back and re-do it yourself. It's all a part of their learning. Let them try.
The last thing I want is to have teenagers who don't do chores or only reluctantly help out around the house. That's why I wanted to start early with her. It engages her. She has such a sense of pride when she's helping. I hope this can help some other parents, too. Please take the time to read the following 2 articles. It will certainly enrich your home life!
http://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/06/28/guest-post-meaningful-work-for-toddlers/
http://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/06/29/more-about-how-to-create-meaningful-work-for-toddlers/
This was the most life-changing concept I learned about through Waldorf! It has made my job as a parent much easier and more of a delight. Some of the fun ways I've involved my daughter in housework is to give her her own rag so she can dust, or a bottle of vinegar to clean glass, or wash spoons and forks in a soapy bowl of water, or clean the bathtub with baking soda and a rag. She now helps with grocery store tasks such as picking out items from the shelves, placing the items by the cash register, and putting the grocery cart away. She feeds and brushes the cat, organizes the pantry, and uses the broom and dustpan.
Let me mention that the work of toddler will not be that of a professional housekeeper. It won't be up to your standards. That's fine. I've learned from wiser mothers that it's better to have them work at something even if you have to go back and re-do it yourself. It's all a part of their learning. Let them try.
The last thing I want is to have teenagers who don't do chores or only reluctantly help out around the house. That's why I wanted to start early with her. It engages her. She has such a sense of pride when she's helping. I hope this can help some other parents, too. Please take the time to read the following 2 articles. It will certainly enrich your home life!
http://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/06/28/guest-post-meaningful-work-for-toddlers/
http://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/06/29/more-about-how-to-create-meaningful-work-for-toddlers/
Friday
Another Must-Read: CINDERELLA ATE MY DAUGHTER!
Yes! You must get your hands on a copy of Peggy Orenstein's Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches From the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture! I had one of those public radio "driveway moments" they guilt you about during membership drives when I heard this woman on the Diane Rehm Show. She was discussing how inappropriate and materialistic the average American girlhood is these days. It is not innocent at all. In fact, it's really just "play sexiness" and pressure to act older and shallower. Since I have a daughter of my own, I am extremely sensitive about her media exposure, the clothes she wears, and what products we buy for her. Here's a transcript of the interview here:
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-12-29/peggy-orenstein-cinderella-ate-my-daughter-rebroadcast/transcript
I haven't read the book yet, but I checked out the reviews on Amazon. One of the complaints was that the book did not offer any real solutions to this problem of this early sexualization of girls. Well, one solution is to go Waldorf! The first thing that came to mind was the aesthetic difference between a Waldorf environment and what Orenstein described. A Waldorf school, home, and child does not resemble the girlie-girl culture she details in her interview. It's a safe haven where childhood is protected. And, this is one of the reasons it appeals to a mom like me. Yes, I know far too well about those glitter-princess girls and I want nothing of them. I did not go out of my way to have a homebirth and breastfeed for 22.5 months just to throw her to the Barbie-wolves! I wanted to set a precedent at the earliest age that we do things in a more natural, wholesome way.
If you browse a natural toy catalog, such as Nova Natural or A Toy Garden, you'll notice that many of the toys are gender-neutral and there isn't that stark blue-pink divide. In fact, they usually aren't divided into "boy" or "girl" categories. Parents will also notice that the dolls are far more innocent and lack physically mature proportions and nightclub attire. These natural stores don't sell play-cosmetics or dolls in high heels. Try it. Go look up the Toys R Us website and then look at A Toy Garden. Can you see the difference?
In our Waldorf school, the dress code has a purpose of maintaining a child's innocence and protecting children from the adult world. For instance, they don't wear shirts with name-brand logos or wording on them, they have to wear tops with a sleeve, and you won't find any popular characters on clothing or backpacks. What a difference this makes in the educational environment! Because of the trend toward "plain clothes" and a regard for general modesty, there is a noticeable difference in the attitude and reverence of the children. To a parent who is struggling with a lost child, why not start by changing the clothes? Gradually switch out the clothing with characters, inappropriate statements, and logo-centered clothing for plain-- but still pretty-- clothes. (And, let me add that I am not anti-pink! I wear the color pink and my daughter owns pink clothes. However, I think Orenstein is referring to the excessive use of it. For instance, I am trying to let other colors into her wardrobe such as blue, purple, green, white, yellow, etc. Our play room looks gender-neutral with all the colors of the rainbow.) Take your daughter to a store that offers more innocent clothing. Maybe the mall isn't the best shopping environment. I intentionally shop for innocent-looking clothing for my daughter. When in doubt, go for a younger looking outfit. When in doubt, err on the side of modesty.
Let me also add that Waldorf education highly discourages media consumption in the early grades. They really don't want your child going home and using the TV as a babysitter. They don't want the play of the children to center around Dora or Sponge Bob. Orenstein made a great point in the interview when she said that Disney does not encourage imagination but rather it limits imagination in childhood. This is the same sentiment held by most Waldorf parents. Therefore, one of the best ways to combat this girlie marketing onslaught is to remove most of the media influences in the home.
From my own personal experience, I plan to enrich my daughter's life with healthy activities. She will not be in dance, gymnastics, cheer, twirling, figure skating, or anything that involves leotards or glitter or a premature focus on her body...she doesn't need to peak at 16. (Why not yoga if your daughter simply must wear spandex?) We are considering martial arts, horseback riding, chess, foreign language, cooking classes, art, scouts, and other activities that aren't centered around immodest attire. And, even more than that, I'd be a fool to surround her with those girls who are immersed in pop-culture. For my little nest, I am making the conscious decision to seek out a better skill-set for my daughter beyond back-flips.
So, here are some "solutions" I came up with in response to one of the reviews of this book. Here's how you can help your daughter rise above aggressive marketing:
1. Don't make shopping a bonding activity. Far too often mothers and daughters do this. If possible, shop online and don't make it a big event. Psychologically, there is nothing healthy about being a "shopaholic" or defining oneself through purchased merchandise. There is nothing "sexy" or "cute" about credit card debt, either.
2. Limit TV time and commercials.
3. Purchase more natural, gender-neutral toys. You might have to go somewhere else besides Wal-Mart or Toys R Us to avoid those glittery tween aisles. Check my store links to the left side of the page.
4. Keep characters off of her backpack, shoes, clothes, lunchbox, jacket, folders, bedding, etc. Try to keep the coloring books and story books free of these popular characters, too.
5. Be cautious and creative when signing your daughter up for extra-curricular activities. Start young. It's cool to be something besides a cheerleader. Check YMCA, local sports, local religious groups, homeschool groups, etc.
6. Set the standard with other moms and daughters. Avoid the pink-princesses in your own birthday parties and outings. Give presents that are void of characters. Suggest playdates that are creative, wholesome, and educational.
7. Monitor your child's peer group. As a parent, you should exert influence on who your child is around. Set your child up for success by surrounding her with positive, healthy young girls that aren't as influenced by media forces. For us, that means continuing the Waldorf school/homeschool combination with our child. She will have lots of interaction with people, but people who have more important things to worry about than the Kardashians.
8. Gradually introduce different colors and styles into your child's wardrobe. This is easier when they're young so start early. Try some yellow, blue, green, white, brown, orange or red. All of these colors complement pink so you can mix and match. Better yet, purchase organic clothing, fair trade clothing, or garments from another culture. It makes the child aware of the production of the clothing, the environment, and human rights issues. If "all the kids are wearing" a style you don't approve of, then maybe you ought to take a look at who your daughter's around. Enlist the help of teachers, parent-teacher organizations, and other adults who work with your child.
9. Compliment your daughter and other girls and women on something besides their looks. I still have a hard time with this one and habitually compliment my friends' new bags or cute shoes. This is very much a note to myself and something I want to change with my daughter. Point out something specific about her abilities or good character...focus on that inner beauty.
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-12-29/peggy-orenstein-cinderella-ate-my-daughter-rebroadcast/transcript
I haven't read the book yet, but I checked out the reviews on Amazon. One of the complaints was that the book did not offer any real solutions to this problem of this early sexualization of girls. Well, one solution is to go Waldorf! The first thing that came to mind was the aesthetic difference between a Waldorf environment and what Orenstein described. A Waldorf school, home, and child does not resemble the girlie-girl culture she details in her interview. It's a safe haven where childhood is protected. And, this is one of the reasons it appeals to a mom like me. Yes, I know far too well about those glitter-princess girls and I want nothing of them. I did not go out of my way to have a homebirth and breastfeed for 22.5 months just to throw her to the Barbie-wolves! I wanted to set a precedent at the earliest age that we do things in a more natural, wholesome way.
If you browse a natural toy catalog, such as Nova Natural or A Toy Garden, you'll notice that many of the toys are gender-neutral and there isn't that stark blue-pink divide. In fact, they usually aren't divided into "boy" or "girl" categories. Parents will also notice that the dolls are far more innocent and lack physically mature proportions and nightclub attire. These natural stores don't sell play-cosmetics or dolls in high heels. Try it. Go look up the Toys R Us website and then look at A Toy Garden. Can you see the difference?
In our Waldorf school, the dress code has a purpose of maintaining a child's innocence and protecting children from the adult world. For instance, they don't wear shirts with name-brand logos or wording on them, they have to wear tops with a sleeve, and you won't find any popular characters on clothing or backpacks. What a difference this makes in the educational environment! Because of the trend toward "plain clothes" and a regard for general modesty, there is a noticeable difference in the attitude and reverence of the children. To a parent who is struggling with a lost child, why not start by changing the clothes? Gradually switch out the clothing with characters, inappropriate statements, and logo-centered clothing for plain-- but still pretty-- clothes. (And, let me add that I am not anti-pink! I wear the color pink and my daughter owns pink clothes. However, I think Orenstein is referring to the excessive use of it. For instance, I am trying to let other colors into her wardrobe such as blue, purple, green, white, yellow, etc. Our play room looks gender-neutral with all the colors of the rainbow.) Take your daughter to a store that offers more innocent clothing. Maybe the mall isn't the best shopping environment. I intentionally shop for innocent-looking clothing for my daughter. When in doubt, go for a younger looking outfit. When in doubt, err on the side of modesty.
Let me also add that Waldorf education highly discourages media consumption in the early grades. They really don't want your child going home and using the TV as a babysitter. They don't want the play of the children to center around Dora or Sponge Bob. Orenstein made a great point in the interview when she said that Disney does not encourage imagination but rather it limits imagination in childhood. This is the same sentiment held by most Waldorf parents. Therefore, one of the best ways to combat this girlie marketing onslaught is to remove most of the media influences in the home.
From my own personal experience, I plan to enrich my daughter's life with healthy activities. She will not be in dance, gymnastics, cheer, twirling, figure skating, or anything that involves leotards or glitter or a premature focus on her body...she doesn't need to peak at 16. (Why not yoga if your daughter simply must wear spandex?) We are considering martial arts, horseback riding, chess, foreign language, cooking classes, art, scouts, and other activities that aren't centered around immodest attire. And, even more than that, I'd be a fool to surround her with those girls who are immersed in pop-culture. For my little nest, I am making the conscious decision to seek out a better skill-set for my daughter beyond back-flips.
So, here are some "solutions" I came up with in response to one of the reviews of this book. Here's how you can help your daughter rise above aggressive marketing:
1. Don't make shopping a bonding activity. Far too often mothers and daughters do this. If possible, shop online and don't make it a big event. Psychologically, there is nothing healthy about being a "shopaholic" or defining oneself through purchased merchandise. There is nothing "sexy" or "cute" about credit card debt, either.
2. Limit TV time and commercials.
3. Purchase more natural, gender-neutral toys. You might have to go somewhere else besides Wal-Mart or Toys R Us to avoid those glittery tween aisles. Check my store links to the left side of the page.
4. Keep characters off of her backpack, shoes, clothes, lunchbox, jacket, folders, bedding, etc. Try to keep the coloring books and story books free of these popular characters, too.
5. Be cautious and creative when signing your daughter up for extra-curricular activities. Start young. It's cool to be something besides a cheerleader. Check YMCA, local sports, local religious groups, homeschool groups, etc.
6. Set the standard with other moms and daughters. Avoid the pink-princesses in your own birthday parties and outings. Give presents that are void of characters. Suggest playdates that are creative, wholesome, and educational.
7. Monitor your child's peer group. As a parent, you should exert influence on who your child is around. Set your child up for success by surrounding her with positive, healthy young girls that aren't as influenced by media forces. For us, that means continuing the Waldorf school/homeschool combination with our child. She will have lots of interaction with people, but people who have more important things to worry about than the Kardashians.
8. Gradually introduce different colors and styles into your child's wardrobe. This is easier when they're young so start early. Try some yellow, blue, green, white, brown, orange or red. All of these colors complement pink so you can mix and match. Better yet, purchase organic clothing, fair trade clothing, or garments from another culture. It makes the child aware of the production of the clothing, the environment, and human rights issues. If "all the kids are wearing" a style you don't approve of, then maybe you ought to take a look at who your daughter's around. Enlist the help of teachers, parent-teacher organizations, and other adults who work with your child.
9. Compliment your daughter and other girls and women on something besides their looks. I still have a hard time with this one and habitually compliment my friends' new bags or cute shoes. This is very much a note to myself and something I want to change with my daughter. Point out something specific about her abilities or good character...focus on that inner beauty.
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